Champs, Travel, & Christmas

I thought today was perfect to do something a little different here on the blog. Typically, I focus on the spiritual side of my life, what we're digging into at Stretch, Cross Point, or within my own personal one on one time with the Lord.

Those things are great, and trust me, you may get way more out of those posts than this one. But today, I feel like I just need to share my excitement with you all.

Lately, life has been good. And the next two months are looking at being just as great. So I thought today I would selfishly use my blog to share my excitement!





First - on October 29, 2010 my Ravenwood Raptor Volleyball girls won the Tennessee Division 1 AAA State Championship! This is highest, biggest division in the state, and still, one week later, I cannot believe we did it! I am so unbelievably proud of them and honored to be on the coaching staff. Proud of you girls!!!

Not much can top that, but we'll see how these next two months pan out.

This weekend marks the beginning of the new volleyball club here in Nashville, Club West Nashville. Club West is a volleyball namesake in California, known for having some of the best training and volleyball players in the country. The great news? One of my best friends in the volleyball world is the one planting it here! I'm on staff as the 12U National coach. Twelve year olds! I cannot wait to teach and share my love for the game with the youngest players we have. What an opportunity!

Next weekend I will be traveling with some of my best friends to the beautiful Smoky Mountains for a mini-vacation. So many of us have had hectic schedules this fall, and it just couldn't come at a better time! Seriously cannot wait to spend 4 days in the woods with these people. What a blessing it is to have great people in my life!

The next weekend after that, my best friend from home is flying in for her week long vacation and we're heading to Cocoa Beach and Orlando, Florida for Thanksgiving. My high school volleyball coaches live there now and lucky for me, it's only a half day's drive! Sun, Disney, volleyball, and Thanksgiving with my second family. Perfect!

Christmas in New Hampshire! Then, of course, it's time for walking in winter wonderlands, sleigh bells, and roasting [marshmallows] on an open fire. Yes, I'll be dreaming of a white Christmas and I'll get it! Because I'll be home for Christmas!

Oh, and in between it all, I'll be seeing shows such as Needtobreathe, Dave Barnes, Tyler Hilton, Brooke Frasier.

Again, I think this year's end is looking pretty.
[Minus the certification tests, and grad school finals staring me in the face. But we're not thinking about that today! ;) ]

Counting the Cost

Too often we have been told that becoming a Christian is as simple as saying a prayer to ask Jesus into our hearts. For me, this happened at the age of 4. Jesus coming into my heart was explained as an unbelievably joyous time that all will be better because He now resides there. Nobody told me that when He "moved in" He was going to completely and utterly change the landscape of not only my heart, but of my entire being. I no longer could be the me I so carefully planned to be. I understand that the Kindergarten "altar call" I heard wouldn't have gone over well if Mrs. Burke had said, "I hope you know your life as you know it is now completely over!"

But in all reality, wasn't it?

Jesus tells us to die to self, carry a cross, sell all we have, and follow Him. As a 4 year old (and honestly, as a 23 year old), that's not in the personal game plan. If I truly let Jesus in (whether that had been in Kindergarten or now in my twenties), my life is completely over.

But for some reason, we aren't told that when we are given the "good news." Evangelists and pastors today tend to be so focused on numbers rather than on true transformation (but that's a topic for later discussion), that we have constantly been told that with Jesus there is joy, hope, and peace in such a dark, hopeless world. Not that I don't agree, because with Him does come the truest form of joy, hope, and peace, but how dare we leave out the true cost of Christianity: transformation. And here in the South is the worst. Never have I met more Christians who love a Jesus that will make them more prosperous, more blessed, and more comfortable. In all honesty, I am unsure of what Jesus they are following.

Transformation is not comfortable. Change is not pleasant. Yet Jesus, the Jesus of the Bible, calls us to change, live a transformational life, and be not of this world. I'm unsure if most Christians have been challenged to count the cost. This Jesus might ask everything of them.

When it comes to "counting the cost," few articulate it better than C.S. Lewis.

Here are a few excerpts from C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity:

I find a good many people have been bothered by what I said about Our Lord's words, ''Be ye perfect". Some people seem to think this means "Unless you are perfect, I will not help you", and as we cannot be perfect, then, if He meant that, our position is hopeless. But I do not think He did mean that. I think He meant "The only help I will give is help to become perfect. You may want something less: but I will give you nothing less."

If you give Him an inch, He will take an ell. Dozens of people go to Him to be cured of some one particular sin which they are ashamed of or which is obviously spoiling daily life. Well, He will cure it all right: but He will not stop there. That may be all you asked; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment. That is why He warned people to "count the cost'' before becoming Christians. "Make no mistake," He says, "if you let me in, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push Me away. But if you do not push Me away, understand I am going to see this job through."

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of- throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

The command "Be ye perfect" is not idealistic gas. Nor is it a command to do the impossible. He is going to make us into creatures that can obey that command. He said (in the Bible) that we were 'gods' and He is going to make good His words. If we let Him- for we can prevent Him, if we choose- He will make the feeblest and filthiest of us into a god or goddess, a dazzling, radiant, immortal creature, pulsating all through with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly (though, of course, on a smaller scale) His own boundless power and delight and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful, but that is what we are in for. Nothing less. He meant what He said.


Some of us may have been fed the idea that once a Christian, life gets easy. Or once a Christian, everything straightens out. We could sit together for days telling stories of how that is absolutely not true. Once a Christian, though, something very specific takes place: God intends to transform us. Asking Jesus into our heart might not be as Sunday-school fun as we so often paint it out to be. Jesus comes in to shake our foundation, knock walls down, and completely rebuild us. He says "be perfect" and then shows us how. He intends to change us, to make us able to be perfect.

Christianity is not always as feel-good as many sugar coat it to be: but oh, it is worth it. Living a Christian life is as simple as this: allowing Christ into our lives to rip apart and break down all that we have built ourselves to be, and then rebuild us in His likeness.

Painful? Definitely.
Completely and utterly life-changing? You bet.
Worth it? Absolutely.

So take a second and count the cost.
Because He intends to make you perfect.

Matthew 5:48
"Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

Safe with the Shepherd

Unrest.
We've all felt it.
You're probably feeling it this very moment.
Unsettled. Worried. Nervous. Anxious.

You want security. Peace. Comfort.

You've searched in all the wrong places and found one constant: it never satisfies.

Let me share with you what does. (And let me open with words from author Max Lucado - he tends to articulate best what is tugging on our hearts):

Come with me to the most populated prison in the world. The facility has more inmates than bunks. More prisoners than plates. More residents than resources. Come with me to the world's most oppressive prison. Just ask the inmates; they will tell you. They are overworked and underfed. Their walls are bare and bunks are hard. No prison is so populated, no prison so oppressive, and, what's more, no prison is so permanent. Most inmates never leave. They never escape. They never get released. They serve a life sentence in this overcrowded, underprovisioned facility.

The name of the prison? You'll see it over the entrance. Rainbowed over the gate are four cast-iron letters that spell out its name:

W-A-N-T.

The prison of want. You've seen her prisoners. They are "in want." The want something. They want something bigger. Nicer. Faster. Thinner. They want. They don't want much, mind you. They want just one thing. One new job. One new car. One new house. One new spouse. They don't want much. They want just one. And when they have "one," they will be happy. And they are right- they will be happy. When they have "one," they will leave the prison. But then it happens. The new-car small passes. The new job gets old. The neighbors buy a larger television set. The new spouse has bad habits. The sizzle fizzles, and before you know it, another ex-con breaks parole and returns to jail.

Are you in prison? You are if you feel better when you have more and worse when you have less. You are if joy is one delivery away, one transfer away, one award away, or one makeover away. If your happiness comes from something you deposit, drive, drink, or digest, then face it - you are in prison, the prison of want.

That's the bad news. The good news is, you have a visitor. And your visitor has a message that can get you paroled. Make your way to the receiving room. Take your seat in the chair, and look across the table at the psalmist David. He motions for you to lean forward.

"I have a secret to tell you," he whispers, "the secret of satisfaction. 'The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want"(Psalm 23:1).

David has found the pasture where discontent goes to die. It's as if he is saying, "What I have in God is greater than what I don't have in life." You think you and I could learn to say the same?

So, are you in prison? Are you ready to get out?

Are you ready to be rid of discontent?

It all begins in Psalm 23. As Lucado pointed at, it's as simple as this:

The LORD is my Shepherd; I shall not want.

So let me pose this question: is He your shepherd?

Before we can discuss the green pastures you lie in, the quiet waters He leads you by, or the fact that your cup can overflow, we must first establish whether or not He is your Shepherd.

Because if the LORD is your Shepherd, you shall not be in want.

If He is our Shepherd, we know His voice.
If He is our Shepherd, we have peace.
If He is our Shepherd, we have security.
If He is our Shepherd, we don't have to look elsewhere for anything.
If He is our Shepherd, we are not in want.
We are safe with the Shepherd.

Is someone posing as a shepherd in your life? If you are feeling unrest, I can bargain you are. If you're hoping for the next best thing in life to finally fill that need, I can see the signs. What have you let become your shepherd? What voice are you listening to most? What voice do you know better than any other? Is His voice the one you hear, listen to, and are comforted by?

Is He your shepherd?

If not, what is?

It's time to stop listening to the other voices more often. It's time to stop immersing yourself in the lies of our culture, your jobs, and the people around you. It's time for you to realize you will never be filled by them. Nothing on this earth can satisfy you. Nothing. It's time for you to realize you are safe. Safe with the Shepherd.

But realizing it is only the first step. Action must be taken. Change must take place.

So, how does He become your Shepherd?

He becomes your shepherd once you know Him better than all the posers and empty promises you've let lead you. He becomes your shepherd once you listen to His voice more than the shouting lies you've been convinced by your entire life. He becomes your shepherd when you study His character. When you know His tendencies. When you know His story. And he becomes your shepherd when you sit at His feet.

So go ahead.
Lie down.
Rest.
Be carefree.
Be safe.

Just like a sheep at the feet of its shepherd.

Approval Addicts: Where's My Husband?

Today's post is written by a friend of mine, Sari Casper. Like the others who've shared their stories this week, Sari is in my young adult "small group" at Cross Point and has been digging into the issue of idols, empty promises, and searching for approval in all the wrong places.

--

In who or in what do you find your approval? Will you feel accepted once you reach your goal weight, find the “one” that pledges to love you forever, be in the “in crowd”, or maybe land the perfect job? And what happens if none of those things ever occur? Do we feel worthless, and undeserving of anything good in life? This is a tough topic to discuss when you realize YOU are guilty of searching for acceptance in all the wrong places.

Being in my mid twenties I often find myself thinking about my future husband. When am I going to meet him, why haven’t I met him yet, what am I doing wrong God, oh he looks cute maybe he’s the one, and so forth and so on. God created man and woman to be together as one so it only makes sense that I would like to get married someday…preferably soon. But is it really an innate desire I’m aching for or a desire that will make me finally feel like I’ve made it in this world? I’ll finally have a man who thinks I’m beautiful just the way I am, a man who wants me and only me, a man who thinks I’m absolutely perfect and wouldn’t change a thing about me if he could.

What happened between the time I was a child and where I am now? What happened to the unconditional love I received from my parents and the lessons about how much God loves me and that His love is sufficient enough? Why must we chase after the approval of others in order to feel like we have meaning in our lives?

I can’t answer these questions because I’m struggling with them myself. The only thing I know is that every time I find myself asking God why he hasn’t given me a husband yet, I only hear Him asking me “Why aren’t I enough?”

He’s not enough because I don’t know Him like I’ll know my husband. I don’t know Him like I know my friends who I’m seeking approval from. His approval means nothing because He’s not a constant in my life. Sure I know in my head that He loves me and that’s all that matters, but in my heart it’s a different story.

So where do I go from here? How do I get to that point where He is enough, where my value comes from Him and Him alone? It starts with the basics of a relationship. It’s easy to find your value from others because you see them, you talk to them and you know what it takes to fit in with them. Imagine if I knew Jesus like I know my best friends? Imagine the absolute, unending love I would find in just being me.

So that is my desire. To know Jesus as if He were right here watching my favorite tv show with me. I want Him to be my best friend. Perhaps then I won’t be worried about whether I’ll ever get married or ever reach my goal weight. It won’t matter because I’ll have all the love and approval I’ll ever need from the only one who can truly make me feel complete.

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good

And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us

His blood can cover us

…….
Tenth Avenue North

Approval Addicts: I Wasn't Skinny Enough

In my life- in ministry, work, and friendships- the one commonality I have found among woman is simple: we're insecure. Take even the most successful, attractive women in your life and more often than not you'll find that their size, weight, nose, or hips drives them insane. Some, it eats them alive. And men, you're not exempt either, are you?

But in the theme of "Approval Addicts", the topic of looks and that particular insecurity continually creeps up. People would really love me if I look like her... And yet, we sweep it under the rug and go on with our day as if nothing is wrong.

I'm guilty of it. It's a large part of my addiction story.

And it's a big part of Amy's. Here's her story, in her own words:

--

Growing up I had the stereotypical "perfect family." My parents were extremely involved in our lives, my brother and I were closer than most (mainly out of necessity because of moving so often,) we were involved in sports, clubs, theater, music, pretty much anything you could think of. We were that "go to" family when things needed to get done. So, it would seem we were supportive, caring, nurturing, etc...We loved everyone, they loved us, and we loved each other.

I can't remember a day since I was 12 when the topic of my weight didn't come up, though. Even when I was at my smallest I was told I could keep losing and it wasn't enough. My daily routine consisted of waking up at 4am to measure out my food to bring to school, head to swim practice for a couple hours, eat a banana on the bus from the pool to school, class, eat my measured out (to the calorie) lunch, finish classes, go straight to play rehearsals/choir/church, go home, eat my special dinners while the rest of the family could eat whatever and how much of whatever they wanted, homework, bed and then it would start all over again the next day.

Sometimes my parents hired personal trainers for me and squished them in after whatever afterschool activity I was in at the time. My life revolved around controlling my weight and I didn't mind because at least when I was working out my hardest I didn't have to hear about it.

My mom is 5'4'', was 90lbs when she got married and has no idea how hard it is for me. My dad gave me these genes. I look just like the women in his family. The men however, don't have this problem. I don't want you to get this wrong though, my parents love me. They love me more than anything in this world. I just don't think they knew how to approach it. Instead of taking the "concerned about your health" route, they used the "you don't want to look like your cousins" which in my mind, because of hearing it all the time, I felt like I already did and needed to lose weight so I didn't anymore.

When I went off to college and didn't have to see them every day I started splurging. Over the years I've gained a little, then a little more, and a little more, and here I am about 50lbs more than I was when I started college.

Does it kill me every day? Yes.
Do I realize I was born this way? Yes.
Does the fact that God gave me these genes give me any comfort? Not at all.

I know I can't expect him to fix it. I have to do it myself but sometimes the hardest thing in life is to look at your whole family and realize you're the fat kid. Every single member of my family has said something to me about it. I'm fearful every moment I'm with them that they're going to bring it up because I'm just so tired of hearing it. My dad works out in Egypt at the moment and every email I get from my dad has something about "how's the diet going?" "have you lost any weight?" "still doing kickboxing?" and it breaks my heart.

I'll get it all under control one day but I guess my biggest issue and why I've somewhat been a serial dater is because of my wanting to feel pretty. I want someone to tell me I'm beautiful and perfect just the way I am. That's what every girl wants.

--

Amy's story resonates with so many of ours, doesn't it? Great parents, great family, but that one thing was never right. Or maybe it was a boyfriend who made you feel inadequate, not pretty enough, left you for someone else. Or maybe, the culprit is you. You've convinced yourself you'll never be skinny enough, pretty enough, loved enough... so you work out harder, eat less, and become so consumed with your appearance.

Maybe then you'll find the approval you've been looking for.

But might I remind you, and encourage you with this:

You were fearfully and wonderfully made. God loves you for who you are, because He formed you Himself. So go to Him, sit at His feet, and feel the love and approval of the King.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

Approval Addicts: What YOU Think Matters

If you had the chance to read yesterday's post, you now understand what I mean about my friends and I getting real about such an extremely serious topic. We're tired of being tired, exhausted of pretending we love everything about ourselves, and desperate to shine light in the deepest corners of our hearts.

Yesterday, Maryanne shared part of her story, and her struggle to love herself.

Today, it's Keisha's turn.

--

I grew up in a wonderful loving home. My parents never made me feel like I wasn't loved or good enough in anyway. They still are beyond encouraging and uplifting. I had an older brother who was outgoing, fun, got straight A's in school, everybody loved Kyle. Growing up I always looked up to him, I wanted to be just like him, but I could never quite get there (maybe because I wasn't him! I was me, but I didn't like me, so I desperately wanted to be like him). I was quiet, reserved, beyond shy. It was crippling, I didn't want anyone to notice me because I didn't want them to realize I wasn't worth their time. I was constantly intimidated by everyone around me. I always thought they were so much better than me, that they had what I didn't, and there was no reason they would want to be around me. I missed out on opportunities because I was afraid of what those around me would think of me. So I just sat on the sidelines.

As I got older and into high school it got better. I went to a fairly small Christian school so it was easier for me to be myself, my classmates became my family. But to anyone outside those school doors I hid myself.

I had a defense mechanism. When someone wanted to get to know me, wanted to be my friend, even a boy I was "interested" in, I would act like I couldn't care less. Like nothing they did affected me one way or the other, because if I didn't care, I couldn't get hurt when they realized I wasn't worth it. In doing this I drove so many people away. I missed out of relationships and people who could have been such a blessing in my life because I didn't want to let them in, while inside I was desperately crying out for them to like me, to see past it all and work to break through.

I have so many regrets in regards to this, so many "what if's" because I was afraid of what they would think if they saw the real me. Anytime a good guy would be interested in me I would ask "Why in the world does he like me? I don't get it." So then I would shut down, and push him away. When it didn't work out I would always tell myself "See, he just didn't know you yet, that's why he liked you. As soon as he saw the real you, he saw what you really are. Not enough." I still struggle with this so much. I don't do things I really want to do because I am afraid of what everyone else will think of me, or I don't want to make a fool out of myself.

Around this time is when "looks" started to become a part of it. I felt like I HAD to look a certain way all the time, I mean ALL the time. That way, maybe people would just see that part and not notice I wasn't any fun, or didn't have the right personality. It started to consume me too, I was always worrying about how I looked because if that fell through what did I have? (even though I still didn't believe I ever looked good enough either. I still hated most of the things about how I looked). So I was always longing for someone to tell me I was pretty, or dressed cute, or something- anything to affirm that I was at least getting one thing right.

Even though I feel like I am getting better at letting people in I don't worry any less about what they think of me. I still desperately need their approval to feel ok about myself. But having a community to walk through, wrestle and beat this with makes the journey ahead seem much more doable. I know God hates this, he wants to heal it, and he's not going to let me ignore it anymore. So here we go, it's finally time for a real change.

--

What about you? Isn't it time for a real change? Don't let what secretly eats you alive have power over you any more.

Cast your cares on Him. He can be trusted. And you can be free.

Don't you want to be free?

Approval Addicts: Because I Don't Love Myself

When it comes to seeking approval, most people assume its due to a lack of love in one's life. But for some, the amount of love in their lives has nothing to do with their addiction to approval. Sometimes they become so destructive to themselves that the only way to survive is to hear it from others.

This is the case for Maryanne, a young woman who is so near and dear to my heart. Although we've only known each other for a few months, I know one thing for certain: she is a beautiful, gifted, and talented girl who God blessed with quite possibly the greatest sense of humor.

What's shocking, though, is that she struggles daily to believe that to be true.

Here's Maryanne's story, in her own words:

--

Let's be honest, here. The truth? I can't be by myself because I hate myself. I seek acceptance from friendships and people - I want them to like me because I don't like myself. I've spent years turning hatred for myself into an art form. When someone gives me a compliment, I accept them, thank the person, but what's worse is I take what they said and twist their genuine meaning and heartfelt words into dark, molasses-covered hate - turning them over and over until they turn into sticky, sludge-drenched words. Over time, these words have formed a swamp of what used to be my heart. A swamp that I choose to walk through daily, even though I don't have to. You're ugly. You're stupid. You're fat. You're not good enough. No man will ever love you. My heart has become a daily, repeating broken-record hell of my own making. It's no wonder I never feel close to God. I've become trapped in a hell of my own making, and I'm not sure how to get out.

Those are some ugly words that I've never said in my head, let alone out loud. I've swept them under a rug, closed the door to that room and piled barricades in front of it. My secret shame that I've practiced for well over a decade of my life. I pour into others not for their approval necessarily, but instead hoping that the love I give them will somehow bounce back to me, shine on me, fulfill me. But still I am empty.

I felt like Pete's sermon finally gave me permission to stop the treadmill of self-hatred I've been running on. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in years. As extroverted as my personality appears, there is so much I internalize, so I stopped today. I have sat alone with myself for hours, something I have never done in my adult life. I haven't drowned out my thoughts with television, music, or distraction. I called my mom and admitted my self-hate, something my parents have watched me battle for years. I asked a friend from Stretch to pray for me instead of hiding behind my shame. I talked to God honestly for the first time in years.

I am nowhere near "fixed", yet. In fact, I won't be for a long time. I can't imagine beginning to erase or replace things I have convinced myself of since I was a child. And on top of that, there is something I'm struggling with that I can't yet admit to many of my friends. But Sunday night, as we closed with worship, I couldn't help but hear these questions ring in my ears:

What if I let Him in?

What if I was enough?

What if I let Him love me?

What if I let myself love Him?

And probably the loudest: What if I started loving myself?

What if? What would I possibly have to lose?

It's a start. It's a step. It's time to push aside the barricades and let in the light.

In my love, be lifted high...

--

As I heard Maryanne's story, my heart broke. Not only because a beautiful, gifted daughter of the King has spent her life believing lies and darkness, but because I can only imagine how many of us do the same thing to ourselves on a daily basis.

But in Maryanne's courage of opening up, she has done the most liberating action any one of us can do: shed light in a dark place. Darkness cannot exist in light, and the moment we realize we can conquer our fears, insecurities, and sins by the mere act of letting light in is the moment we are set free.

Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7


Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you.
Psalm 55:22

So what is your story? What dark, cobwebbed corner of your heart needs a little light?

Let the darkness flee... It's got no power over me...