Approval Addicts: Where's My Husband?

Today's post is written by a friend of mine, Sari Casper. Like the others who've shared their stories this week, Sari is in my young adult "small group" at Cross Point and has been digging into the issue of idols, empty promises, and searching for approval in all the wrong places.

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In who or in what do you find your approval? Will you feel accepted once you reach your goal weight, find the “one” that pledges to love you forever, be in the “in crowd”, or maybe land the perfect job? And what happens if none of those things ever occur? Do we feel worthless, and undeserving of anything good in life? This is a tough topic to discuss when you realize YOU are guilty of searching for acceptance in all the wrong places.

Being in my mid twenties I often find myself thinking about my future husband. When am I going to meet him, why haven’t I met him yet, what am I doing wrong God, oh he looks cute maybe he’s the one, and so forth and so on. God created man and woman to be together as one so it only makes sense that I would like to get married someday…preferably soon. But is it really an innate desire I’m aching for or a desire that will make me finally feel like I’ve made it in this world? I’ll finally have a man who thinks I’m beautiful just the way I am, a man who wants me and only me, a man who thinks I’m absolutely perfect and wouldn’t change a thing about me if he could.

What happened between the time I was a child and where I am now? What happened to the unconditional love I received from my parents and the lessons about how much God loves me and that His love is sufficient enough? Why must we chase after the approval of others in order to feel like we have meaning in our lives?

I can’t answer these questions because I’m struggling with them myself. The only thing I know is that every time I find myself asking God why he hasn’t given me a husband yet, I only hear Him asking me “Why aren’t I enough?”

He’s not enough because I don’t know Him like I’ll know my husband. I don’t know Him like I know my friends who I’m seeking approval from. His approval means nothing because He’s not a constant in my life. Sure I know in my head that He loves me and that’s all that matters, but in my heart it’s a different story.

So where do I go from here? How do I get to that point where He is enough, where my value comes from Him and Him alone? It starts with the basics of a relationship. It’s easy to find your value from others because you see them, you talk to them and you know what it takes to fit in with them. Imagine if I knew Jesus like I know my best friends? Imagine the absolute, unending love I would find in just being me.

So that is my desire. To know Jesus as if He were right here watching my favorite tv show with me. I want Him to be my best friend. Perhaps then I won’t be worried about whether I’ll ever get married or ever reach my goal weight. It won’t matter because I’ll have all the love and approval I’ll ever need from the only one who can truly make me feel complete.

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good

And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us

His blood can cover us

…….
Tenth Avenue North